I got into this business because my sister mailed me the world’s most uncomfortable sex swing and said, “maybe you can fix it.” I could, because I own a sewing factory. So I did. And then I bought every other swing on the market, tested them, compared them, redesigned a few of them, and somewhere in the middle of all that I became the person people call when they have questions they can’t ask anyone else, swing and non-swing related.
Sixteen years later, that’s still basically the job.
I’m Angela Alexander: Madam Ang to most of the internet. I run sexswing.com with my husband, which means I’ve spent a decade and a half talking to couples about what they actually want, what they’re afraid to ask for, and why the gap between those two things is almost always smaller and more normal than they think.
Here’s the thing about what I do: people sit at my kitchen island and tell me everything. The sexless marriages. The desires they’ve been carrying for years and never said out loud. The resort they finally booked. The thing they tried last night that they have to tell someone about and I’m the someone. I hear the whispered version and the oversharing version and every version in between, because I’m the person people trust not to flinch.
I think they trust me because I’m not what they expect. I’m pretty vanilla, honestly. I like what I like, I know what I know, and I don’t perform a version of myself that’s edgier than the real one. But vanilla, it turns out, is not the same as boring. It’s more like… you taste it and think you know exactly what you’re getting, and then there’s something else in there. A little rum. A little heat. Something that makes you lower your guard without realizing you did.
I’ve had more conversations about desire, shame, and what couples actually want from each other than most people have in a lifetime. The version they perform in public and the version that comes out after enough trust is built: those are very different conversations. I get the second one. And why do they trust me? Because I am like them. A busy mom, a wife, a little vanilla with some rum. I am what they want to be, or at least the version of it they haven’t quite let themselves be yet.
I’ve heard every version of “we’ve been meaning to try something new.” I know what that sentence usually means. It means one or both of them wants something they haven’t figured out how to bring up yet, not because they need permission, but because they need someone they trust to tell them: this is normal. The fear is normal. The insecurity is normal. The wanting-it-anyway is normal. That’s the conversation I know how to have.
This blog is that conversation. Not a lecture. Not a therapist. Not a curated list of tips about spicing things up. Just honest talk about desire, connection, and why couples who are fundamentally good together sometimes lose the thread: and how quietly easy it can be to find it again.
I write for the woman who knows exactly what she wants and hasn’t figured out how to say it yet. For the man who’s trying to get it right and doesn’t know where to start. For the couple that’s fine: and both of them know “fine” isn’t what they signed up for, but really desire more.
If you came here for the safe, PC version: wrong blog. If you came here because something in the title felt like it was written specifically for you: welcome. Pull up a stool. Everyone’s allowed in this kitchen.
— Angela Alexander (Madam Ang)
Founder, sexswing.com · madamang.com